My nights are somewhat turbulent and unsettled now, the template of restlessness applied perfectly. I wake early, still tired, and return to sleep. In between 6-9am, I seem to get my best sleep. I wake groggy, but ready to begin the day.
Today, I made it to the bagelry early, but both outlet booths were taken. I couldn’t get “X” on track at the bagelry, made worse by the striking blonde that drew my distraction for as long as I ate my breakfast.
Determined to get some good work done on “X”, I left the bagelry once I had finished eating, and drove through snowy weather to the Roseville Library, which was relatively quiet. I unpacked my system at a desk with an outlet, but realized that I forgot the cord to my hard drive.
Two attempts at starting today, two failures. And, now, I’m left to blogging, my initial directives derailed by my forgetful memory and nomadic ways of this life. Eventually, the fragmentation in my mind will blur into my life, causing discombobulation in both places.
I live a fragmented life. I work hard to order the chaos in all phases, but cannot continue to fight the scourge that consumes every front. The fragmentation of my orbit has led to a difficulty of focus. I seldom have a stable and dynamic place to create, and without that artistic nexus point, I am unable to evolve, move, grow, produce at the rate I need to push me further.
The way of the modern artist: take the desolate and starving path, or survive in the common flow. Not a minute to spare, every mistake a costly error, every moment lost an opportunity sunk in the wastes, knives and forks too sharply tossed together, scratching and scathing with every scrape of metal. Sparks are inevitable in the friction of disharmonic paths.
Soon, my vacation will be over, and I’ll begin a new year. Wiser, I suppose. Stranger, I can only assume. Lots of projects and goals for 2013. It begins with releasing “Xenomorphine” so I can move on to seriously writing “Scream Queen”. I have reconstructed the “Fetch” concept around the type of person I am now, and that has caused ripple effects throughout the existing content I had developed. I think it’s necessary, though, because the story works better now. It’s different, a bit less “Biblically or Mythologically Horrific” and more raw, psychoscientific horror. I like the concept a lot better now, and am excited about the varied directions that I’ll be able to go with it once I’ve got the first book off the ground.
So much to do, so little time. So many sparks, so little fire.
These days, so far from warm, and in dire need of a solar flare.