Two months ago I weighed 147 pounds. I now weigh close to 167. Twenty pounds isn’t that dramatic of a swing, except when you’re living in a state next to skeletal. Over the Fourth of July holiday, I vacationed in Vegas. While memorable for many reasons that aren’t positive, I turned a strange corner there: I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how gaunt I had become. Through a commitment to vegetarianism to get my weight down and address other health concerns, I forgot what it meant to eat. I had backed myself into a nutritional comfort corner where nothing was enjoyable. And, unlike previous phases in my life where health conditions whittled me away without my consent, I was fully responsible for the bony visage I was becoming. It’s what I thought people wanted me to be; specifically, what girls wanted me to be.
My epiphany came from wandering the streets alone in Vegas. No one should feel alone in Vegas, not naturally. And when I saw the withered reflection of myself in that dark mirror, the truth was undeniable.
This path wasn’t working.
So I changed. In a matters of days, I brought back my old ways, went from vegetarian to omnivore. My body didn’t fight back. Overall, my energy levels increased in the coming weeks. I gained weight fast in the places where I needed it. The skeletal frame I had become filled itself back out, wrapped tightly in the dead flesh of other creatures.
I went from living at peace with the natural world… to consuming it.