plus one

shiverreal, copyright 2011 artemis sere

plus one
copyright 2011 artemis sere
[xenomorophous reflections]

a common situation these days: invited out with a female friend, only for the out to turn into meeting a group, sometime large, sometimes small, seldom a party of two. these change of “out scenarios” typically happen as a surprise, where the original scenario involved “two people hanging out”.  why am I devoting blogspace to something so unique and personal?

this is a recurring theme in my life:  where I’m not good enough to be “the one”, but am good enough to be someone else’s “plus one’. “Plus one” is a trendy term now that Google picked it up and created social activity around it.  the term also applies to events, where you would be put on an access or guest list and be offered the ability to bring someone along.  that person becomes your “plus one”.  it would seem to be a flattering act to be someone else’s “plus one”, until that’s all that you are across the board:  “plus one” for all, number one for none.

these days, the best I seem to do is act as “plus one” for someone.  I suppose I shouldn’t care so much; I should be accepting of the gracious invitation with a smile and without hesitation or question, just be happy to be in the periphery of someone else’s circle.  but I can’t help but feel slighted by the fact that I can do no better than someone else’s disposable hero, savior of the hour, lover for the moment.  I can’t help but feel pushed away from the center of others while few have interest in nearing the center of me.

even more frustrating is that people can’t seem to understand what I’m talking about when I say that I’m disappointed in our change of plans–changes not initiated by me in any way, but changes that I must roll with regardless.  sensibly, what I’m talking about deals with an imbalance of selfishness.  i’m railing against the lack of equilibrium that I’ve been historically offered by my friends, the minimized level of involvement that people have in my world, my orbit, my drama, my history, my interests, my past, and/or my future.  perhaps I’m too good at listening and being accessible to people in general.  or perhaps my too accessible to certain people that have habits that I have been patient with.

I feel like a lesser person for engaging in a blog bitch session.  few will read this, and even fewer will be able to relate to what I have to say.  people on the normal path–with nuclear, mainline connections and common directions–cannot relate to the frustrations of a single man exiled by life; people on the single path seem to work the outscenes fluidly and dynamically, without thought, passion or care.  the outscenes are there for oblivion, not heart; they’re there for comforting the lonely and the lost for a night, to push butterflies from cocoons and into regretful glances, one-night stands, and herpes-ridden beds.  the outscenes aren’t there to help a person escape to a sane place.

the outscenes are there to nullify the personality of the plus ones, not give hope, not offer chances.

six empty

six empty
copyright 2011 artemis sere, wikipedia
[xenomorphous research]

[immunosuppressive drug, wikipedia]

  • Immunosuppressive drugs or immunosuppressive agents are drugs that inhibit or prevent activity of the immune system. They are used in immunosuppressive therapy to:
  • Prevent the rejection of transplanted organs and tissues (e.g., bone marrow, heart, kidney, liver)
  • Treat autoimmune diseases or diseases that are most likely of autoimmune origin (e.g., rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis, myasthenia gravis, systemic lupus erythematosus, focal segmental glomerulosclerosis, Crohn’s disease, Behcet’s Disease, pemphigus, and ulcerative colitis).
  • Treat some other non-autoimmune inflammatory diseases (e.g., long term allergic asthma control).
  • These drugs are not without side-effects and risks. Because the majority of them act non-selectively, the immune system is less able to resist infections and the spread of malignant cells. There are also other side-effects, such as hypertension, dyslipidemia, hyperglycemia, peptic ulcers, liver, and kidney injury. The immunosuppressive drugs also interact with other medicines and affect their metabolism and action. Actual or suspected immunosuppressive agents can be evaluated in terms of their effects on lymphocyte subpopulations in tissues using immunohistochemistry.
[mercaptopurine, wikipedia]
It is used to treat leukemia, pediatric non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma,[citation needed] polycythemia vera,[citation needed] psoriatic arthritis,[citation needed] and inflammatory bowel disease (such as Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis)
It has demonstrated some in vitro effectiveness against Mycobacterium paratuberculosis.
6-MP ribonucleotide inhibits purine nucleotide synthesis and metabolism. This alters the synthesis and function of RNA and DNA. Mercaptopurine interferes with nucleotide interconversion and glycoprotein synthesis.
Some of the adverse reactions of taking mercaptopurine might include diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, fatigue, stomach/abdominal pain, weakness, skin rash, darkening of the skin, or hair loss. Serious adverse reactions include mouth sores, fever, sore throat, easy bruising or bleeding, pinpoint red spots on the skin, yellowing of eyes or skin, dark urine, and painful or difficult urination. Unlikely but serious side-effects include: black or tarry stools (melena), bloody stools, and bloody urine.
Symptoms of allergic reaction to mercaptopurine include rash, itching, swelling, dizziness, trouble breathing, and pancreatitis.
Mercaptopurine causes myelosuppression, suppressing the production of white blood cells and red blood cells. It may be toxic to bone marrow. Weekly blood counts are recommended for patients on mercaptopurine. The patient should stop taking the medication at least temporarily if there is an unexplained, abnormally large drop in white blood cell count, or any other blood count.
Patients exhibiting myelosuppression or bone marrow toxicity should be tested for thiopurine methyltransferase (TPMT) enzyme deficiency. Patients with TPMT deficiency are much more likely to develop dangerous myelosuppression. In such patients, it may be possible to continue using mercaptopurine, but at a lower dose.
Allopurinol inhibits xanthine oxidase, the enzyme that breaks down mercaptopurine. Those taking allopurinol (often used to prevent gout) are at risk for mercaptopurine toxicity. The dose should be reduced or allopurinol should be discontinued.
Mercaptopurine can lower the body’s ability to fight off infection. Those taking mercaptopurine should get permission from a doctor in order to receive immunizations and vaccinations. It is also recommended that, while on the drug, one should avoid those having recently received oral polio vaccine.
This drug is traditionally not recommended during pregnancy, but this issue has been debated, and current evidence indicates that pregnant women on the drug show no increase in fetal abnormalities. However, women receiving mercaptopurine during the first trimester of pregnancy have an increased incidence of miscarriage.  Davis et al. 1999 found that mercaptopurine, compared to methotrexate, was ineffective as a single-agent abortifacient; every woman in the mercaptopurine arm of the study had fetal cardiac activity at follow-up (two weeks later) and was given a suction abortion.
Mercaptopurine causes changes to chromosomes in animals and humans, though a study in 1990[6] found that, “while the carcinogenic potential of 6-MP cannot be precluded, it can be only very weak or marginal.” Another study in 1999 noted an increased risk of developing leukemia when taking large doses of 6-MP together with other cytotoxic drugs.

land of the lost

land of the lost
copyright 2011 artemis sere
[xenomorophous reflections]

What is it about me that connects to the transient–to the people that are between phases in their lives or have seemingly lost their way on the road? I don’t seek out these types of people, but they seem to find me, friend me, connect with me, force me to care about them, make their drama part of my life, to the point where the styles and patterns of their transience become my existence. I become like them, spiritually nomadic like them. Disconnected, yet in the same dizzying orbit as them.