Today’s Lesson (late edition): I missed chili most of all.
Two months ago I weighed a meager 147 lbs. My ribs were prominent, my energy levels low. I had painted myself into a corner with my conviction towards vegetarianism, but I was a rather horrible vegetarian. If anything, I was a pastatarian.
I drove myself to that state. By will, by sheer determination two years ago to get my weight down. In January 2009, I weighed 198. I was fat, unhealthy and unhappy. Most people didn’t notice that I was, because I’ve becoming amazing at smiling through pain, but I was dismal. I hated wearing my clothes, which constantly felt tight and overstretched. I despised looking at pictures of myself. Bloated. Thick. A return to the heavy, chubby man that dominated my twenties.
That was then. Now, I’m far less critical. I asked myself why I was a vegetarian, and I didn’t have a good answer. It worked well when I was trying to lose weight, horribly when I needed to gain it.
So I changed back to omnivore and discovered that moderation is the best route. I committed myself wholeheartedly–body and soul–to vegetarianism, and it ran me into the ground. Physically drained the life out of me. I got my wish of weight loss and then some.
It’s autumn now. I’ve gained twenty pounds and regained much of my former structure. I feel thicker, stronger, angrier. I’m more careful now, knowing that I’m in control. I broke through the other side, understanding that balance is the key to accomplishing anything. You must experience the spectrum of your dynamic state, and become acutely aware of your center. The center will keep you from harm and foul. You do that by getting to know yourself.
I discovered that I missed chili most of all. In the chill of autumn air, it is the penultimate cold weather food. And the winds are whipping up the perfect recipe for a brutal, bitter season.
Fire will be imperative for survival and sanity in the coming months.